...and sometimes life catches you off guard...
Monday, June 06, 2016
friday night - out with my girlfriends to celebrate my birthday. checked out a new restaurant, later, crossed the street to a check out the sex shop, then finished the night playing a game of pool. the outcome, i made a purchase at the sex shop and i really suck at playing pool.
saturday - left home early in the morning with my westie to cheer my parents off as they participated in the ride for dad motorcycle parade. the rest of the day, i was laid up on the couch or floor in utter misery, trying to comprehend how i've developed seasonal allergies at my age. passed out by 8pm.
sunday - caught up on coronation street (my little vice and the only soap opera i will admit to watching), followed by an hour of work as a teaching assistant for a basic obedience training course at the canine school. finished the day working on a blog post.
monday - woke up at 4 am today and dragged myself into work. on the car ride in, i plan and visualize my day and what i will accomplish. but then life steps in. it's waving a huge red flag. soon as i get on the elevator, my colleague starts asking me about a former colleague of ours. we gather into the office of another colleague and learn...our friend and former co-worker was found murdered on saturday night.
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friday night - while i was out with my girlfriends, my friend was already dead in mauritius.
saturday - while i was laid up on the couch in the afternoon, trying to find allergy remedies, my friend's body was discovered.
sunday - while i was watching coronation street, the police were questioning my friend's ex-boyfriend where he confesses his crime.
monday - while at work today, through social media and phone calls, we reconnected with former colleagues to share the tragic news, hugged our friends, shed some tears, and remembered our vivacious, funny and wonderful friend.
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i can't help myself from googling my friend's name and scouring all the mauritius online newspapers, trying to make sense of what has happened. we lost touch after her divorce and her move to mauritius - only seeing her scant posts on social media from time to time. my emotions cycle...i'm numb, i'm sad, i'm anxious, i'm angry, i'm scared. i cry when i think of the her teenage son. i cry at the brutality of how she died. i shudder when i try to image what she was feeling in those last moments. i cringe when i see the video of her murder circulating on social media. and i rage at those who didn't know her, judging and calling her names like "cougar".
i feel somewhat paralyzed - i want to call the crisis centre, wishing i could talk to my former counsellor. i push the overwhelming feelings away, still trying to process everything. i don't know how to process this grief. i feel i don't have perspective...there's so many different angles and facets...ranting about violence against women is going to be productive...i'm still too close to the source and not close enough. so for now, this is what i chose to do:
- my friend loved to drink...so tonight, i'll raise a glass in her memory.
- my friend loved her heels...so tonight, i'll put on my heels as my tribute to her.
- my friend loved to dance...so tonight, i'll play some music and dance without giving any shit to those around me, because that's the way she would have danced and lived.
- my friend loved fiercely...so tonight, i'll light a candle and pray for her family she leaves behind.
later this week, i'll head to the women's monument, gather some of my other colleagues, to share some of our fondest memories of our friend. i believe that's the way she would have wanted us to honour her...and even if life has caught us all off guard, she'd want us to cherish and celebrate it.
i love you patricia....and i miss you with all my heart.
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