Before tackling this blog, I procrastinated by checking my various social media accounts, and I fell upon my friend Amber Lee's most recent blog post. She's has this incredible passion for life and I love how she explores, discovers and views the world around her. I ended up re-reading her post The 52 Weeks, which is about her quest to write weekly and so far, true to her word/post, she has posted something each week without fail. I love how her Project Manager self comes out and was really drawn to two of her objectives:
I have tried a number of times to reset my life, launch into self-improvements and have had a stream of good intentions - I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to bring my lunch to work. I'm trying to get 7 hours of sleep. I'm trying to be more disciplined. I'm trying to go out to meet new people. I'm trying to keep up with my writing. I'm trying...I'm trying...I'm trying. I have a string of statements that I've made to myself over the years. But I found that I was equally good at self-sabotaging my attempts, coming up with excuses to not continue. My backdoor has been everything from my fears, shame, guilt, unwillingness to be vulnerable, a need to stay in control, my own lack of belief in myself and my inability to value my own worth, dreams and wishes.
1. There's a difference between "to try" and "to commit"
To try is to make an effort, an attempt, to test things, a trial. In trying, there is no accountability to oneself, and for me, this was my loop hole to any self-sabotaging efforts - there was no requirement to continue if things didn't work out. However, David Jelinik's attitude about the outcome of committing to something is rather blasé: "Commit and who cares what the results are...it's awesome enough that you started." Having the motivation to start something is great, but what David's commitment scale fails to point out is the higher the level of commitment, the deeper one has to dig within one self to make and sustain the effort to see it through to the end. If I'm going to put in all that effort into making something happen, I am going to care...a lot, because if I didn't, I'd be the first to walk through that backdoor.
2. Rephrase your intentions into action statements.
A friend of mine shared what she learned at a retreat about living in the present and she said sometimes, all it takes is rephrasing an intention in the present tense. I struggled with this concept for a while with my work-life balance and so I told her "I'm trying to leave work by 5 pm each day". But my commitment to my work had a greater hold on me and I continued to struggle to let go of my workaholic self. So one day, she emailed me this phrase:
3. Follow through, and if you don't succeed, repeat.
- To see what happens. Sometimes when you take an action, something happens. I’m curious to know what will happen. Maybe nothing. Maybe no one will read this and I am only writing for myself, but that’s okay.
- To challenge myself. This will help me structure and focus my brain, and to sharpen my skills.
I have tried a number of times to reset my life, launch into self-improvements and have had a stream of good intentions - I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to bring my lunch to work. I'm trying to get 7 hours of sleep. I'm trying to be more disciplined. I'm trying to go out to meet new people. I'm trying to keep up with my writing. I'm trying...I'm trying...I'm trying. I have a string of statements that I've made to myself over the years. But I found that I was equally good at self-sabotaging my attempts, coming up with excuses to not continue. My backdoor has been everything from my fears, shame, guilt, unwillingness to be vulnerable, a need to stay in control, my own lack of belief in myself and my inability to value my own worth, dreams and wishes.1. There's a difference between "to try" and "to commit"
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| Question: do you see commitment as a pledge, promise, obligation, as an act of engaging yourself, or all of the above? Image credit: David Jelinek |
2. Rephrase your intentions into action statements.
A friend of mine shared what she learned at a retreat about living in the present and she said sometimes, all it takes is rephrasing an intention in the present tense. I struggled with this concept for a while with my work-life balance and so I told her "I'm trying to leave work by 5 pm each day". But my commitment to my work had a greater hold on me and I continued to struggle to let go of my workaholic self. So one day, she emailed me this phrase:
"I am productive and my work day ends at 5 pm."
Such a simple phrase, but it became my mantra with the stated goal set clearly for me and easy to follow. Because if you can't put your commitment into action, you can't make it a reality.
3. Follow through, and if you don't succeed, repeat.
"You cannot make a real commitment unless you accept that it's a choice that you keep making again and again and again."
The quote above is from the film Keeping the Faith starring Ben Stiller, Ed Nortan and Jenna Elfman. I haven't seen the film yet, but I really like Ben Nadel's reflection about the quote - that love and commitment require work...they aren't simply internal drives...choices that we have to consciously make over and over again. I admit, there was a time I used to wish there was a magic spell to make change a pain free experience, that there was a simple solution for instant happiness. But over the past few years, I've learned that it takes discipline and to never give up. To consciously chose to follow through, even when I've fallen off the bandwagon, I know that I'm benefiting from the experience and growing stronger rather than lowering my self-worth and sneaking out the backdoor.
